


Regret

by finisque



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-26 03:42:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/961180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finisque/pseuds/finisque
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren regrets, but it's too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regret

“Mikasa, stop trying to coddle me! I’ll be fine, I _have_ been fine on all of the missions I’ve been on, so can you just leave it? You’re so annoying, I can’t stand it! Why can’t you just go away and leave me alone!”

Mikasa stumbled backwards, looking as though she’d been dealt a physical blow. All the blood ran out of her face as she stood in front of Eren, lips quivering and body shaking. She bit her lip and told herself to _get a grip already, this wasn’t the first time he’d said something like that to her_.

Eren immediately knew that he’d gone too far.

“Mikasa…”

He reached out to her, but immediately withdrew when Mikasa flinched violently away from his hand.

Eren heaved a sigh, running a hand through his hair.

“Look, Mikasa—“ he began, fully intending to apologise for his behavior, but was cut off by a thundering, “All troops, return to your formations!”

Eren sighed again. “Mikasa, we’ll finish this later, okay? I’ll talk to you after we get back from our mission.”

Mikasa pressed her lips together and gave a short nod, before hurrying towards her fellow squadmates.

Eren watched her go with a forlorn look. _It’s fine, she’ll forgive you. She always does_ , he told himself repeatedly, returning to his own squad and burying the incident into the back of his mind.

_There were more important things that he had to deal with now._

***

Eren spotted Armin and hurried towards him, smirking to himself triumphantly. He’d managed to kill five titans on his own, and he was planning on gloating to both of his childhood friends, _especially_ Mikasa. _Hah! That’ll show her. He could totally take care of himself, without her help._

“Armin, Armin! Have you seen Mikasa? I have something to tell both of you!” Eren clapped Armin on the back cheerfully and watched him stumble forward, not noticing Armin’s trembling.

Eren glanced at Armin when the latter failed to reply, frowning as he took in Armin’s pale countenance.

“Hey, are you okay? You don’t look so good…” Eren bit his lip hesitantly. Shit, did one of Armin’s squadmates die in the mission? But Mikasa was on Armin’s team, and Mikasa’s squad usually didn’t have any casualties…

Come to think of it, Eren still hadn’t seen any sign of her.

“Hey, Armin, where’s Mikasa? Isn’t she on your team? I haven’t seen her at all…”

Armin shaking upped a notch, and he pointed towards the field, covered with bodies covered in white cloth.

“S-she’s there…”

Eren stared at Armin’s finger, uncomprehending. “No she’s not. There’s nobody there.”

Armin grabbed Eren’s arm and stared him in the eyes, tears falling uncontrollably from his wide, panicked eyes.

“No, Eren, _she’s there_.” Armin dragged Eren towards the field of corpses, kneeling down next to one and uncovering her face with a gentle reverence, suppressing a violent sob.

Mikasa looked calm, at peace, even in death. If one were to ignore the missing lower half of her body, it would seem as though she were simply sleeping.

“M-mikasa?”

Eren froze. That body wasn’t Mikasa, _couldn’t_ be her. Mikasa wasn’t dead. Mikasa was untouchable. She was unbelievably strong. She was stronger than him, stronger than all of them.

_She wasn’t dead._

 “Oi, Mikasa, what are you doing sleeping here, of all places?” Eren grinned. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

Armin stared at Eren in shock.

“E-eren…”

“Oi Mikasa, wake up! I’ve got something I need to tell you, so get up already! Why are you still sleeping anyway? It’s the middle of the afternoon!” Eren shook her limp shoulder, shook it harder when there wasn’t any response.

“Mikasa! Wake up already! We’re gonna need to head back to the Wall soon!” Eren continued, as his nudge to her shoulder took on a more violent edge.

“Eren, Mikasa’s dead!” Armin said, voice rising with his hysteria. “She’s not going to wake up!”

“No, no, she’s going to wake up!” Eren insisted. “She’s just tired, so she’s taking a short nap.”

He took Mikasa gently into his arms, cradling what was left of her body, as if it was a precious treasure that he’d never let go of.

“Hey, Mikasa, wake up already. Armin somehow thinks that you aren’t going to and that you’re dead.” Eren snorted in disbelief. “You need to wake up and show him that you’re alive.”

He smiled tenderly at her.

“Because you can’t be dead. _You can’t be_. We still haven’t had that talk yet. I still haven’t apologized to you yet. _Those can’t be my last words to you_.”

And Eren broke down, sobbing into Mikasa’s hair. _She was gone_. He’d known, knew the moment he saw Armin’s face. He just didn’t want to believe it.

Because how could she be gone? She’d always been there for him, stuck to him and stuck up for him, even when he was the biggest asshole. She’d promised that she would always be there for him. _She promised_.

“You promised you wouldn’t leave me, you idiot. But look what you’ve gone and done? You’re gone somewhere I can’t follow. Weren’t you always the one telling me not to go places that you can’t follow? Aren’t you being a hypocrite now?” Eren’s voice hitched with his violent sobs, voice taking on an edge of hysteria.

“Why did you have to do this? Is this revenge for what I said earlier? Because I take it back, okay? I take it all back. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’ll repeat it as many times as you want. I didn’t mean it at all. I don’t want you to leave me alone. _I don’t want you to go away_.” He felt like he couldn’t breathe, like something was stuck in his throat, like something was gripping his heart, and ripping it to shreds.

His world was shattering, right before his very eyes. The last remaining member of his family, _gone_. And he didn’t get to say goodbye. He didn’t get to apologise for being such a dick to her, the majority of the time he’d spent with her. He didn’t get to thank her for being there for him regardless.

And now she was gone and he was left behind, with nothing but guilt and the despair that threatened to consume him.

“I don’t want you to go…” His voice came out as a whine, as he rocked back and forth, clutching her to himself desperately, as if that would wake her up, as if it would bring her back to him.

“ _I didn’t even get to tell you that I love you_.”

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Lol this was written when I was on 3 hours of sleep, so there is probably tons of mistakes EVERYWHERE. Forgive me and this piece of shitty fanfic hahahahahahaha. I never actually expected to write any more fanfiction because I’m a lazy asshole but woah this was unexpected. Kind of like an unexpected baby. Maybe. Idk.


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